Holiday Tolerance

I had always been told that when people say things like "Happy Holidays" that it is the "non-believer" seeking to commercialize and trivialize the true meaning of Christmas. Fundamental Christian groups that I knew growing up were dead certain that this was society's way of eliminating "Christ" from "Christ"mas. 

I think they are right, but not for the reasons THEY think they are right. I think it is right and good to pay tribute to the fact that while we live in a vast and predominantly Christian country, there is still religious freedom here (if only in technicality). I think the urge of some Christians to push their religious holidays on others is rather off-putting actually. I had always been annoyed at other Christians who forced their faith on others and now (as a former Christian in the process of converting to a different faith) I find the holiday tug-of-war similarly distasteful. 

Christians have every right to celebrate their holidays. So does every one else. Many religions have both major and minor holidays that they consider very sacred. Yet in Western society these holidays are rarely even acknowledged. 

For example, at my daughter's schools there are "Christmas concerts" and that would never have caused me a moments pause before, but really why should my child learn religious-based songs that are part of a religion that I have no faith in. If it were billed as diversity exposure that would be fine but the assumption is that my child believes in all those things. 

For the first time in my life I am experiencing just a taste of what it means to be in the minority. Christmas is overwhelming for those that don't want to support, even in a secular measure, the reason that the holiday truly exists. The signs of Christmas await you at every turn, lurking in the grocery store and hitting you upside the head from commercials to becoming background music at work. It is insidious. 

It will prove an interesting first holiday season away from the Christian faith. I am not particularly worried by it but I am noticing things more and in the noticing I realize that perhaps instead of worrying about people attacking their religious beliefs Christians could think about what it would feel like to be asked to honor another religion's holiday in the same fashion. They would revolt. If Christians were asked to immerse themselves in a culture that revolves around holidays that are a part of a faith that they don't practice I have a feeling they would be vastly uncomfortable. Perhaps that thought resonates with you just a little. 

Whatever your faith base (or lack thereof) think about how you would feel to be virtually forced by societal pressure to celebrate some one else's holiday. The reason for the season certainly depends on where you are coming from. I see this season as the  beginning of a dance in which I skirt the cultural norm in favor of an alternate faith and come out intact on the other end. That's the goal anyway. 

So Happy Holidays (should you celebrate them during December) and Happy Winter (should you not). 

A New Journey

I cannot begin to describe to you how I have come to the place of de-conversion and so I will not. It was a thoughtful process that has released me in ways I didn't know were possible.

This past Sunday I packed up my books. A lifetime collection of Christian fiction, non-fiction and Bibles that are, for the moment, housing in my garage. It was a deeply moving thing to go through all my books and extract out the items that resoundingly relayed a message I no longer believe. 

I have fond memories of many of those books and so it was with nostalgia that I packed them away. It didn't feel right having them in my bookshelves and near my bed, intermingled with books about parenting, fiction and finance. 

It is like there has been a death. A cleansing death. Death is not often cleansing but painful and likely to rob you of joy. For me, the death of the faith I was brought up in is indeed cleansing. Instead of forcing my mind to conform to the thoughts that made my insides reel, I can acknowledge that my mind and heart and instincts were right all along. 

I am certain that if you have never changed your religion (particularly if you were a part of that religion for any significant period of time) then you won't understand what I am referring to. It's a peculiar thing to have statements, songs, prayers, sayings, etc. that once were comforting and sensible seem like utter nonsense. It's very much like when you fall in love with someone and the relationship ends in utter destruction and you look at that person and wonder, "Why the hell did that EVER make sense? Why was I with them? What did I see in them?" The very person you once found deeply attractive is now equally repulsive. It is similar to this with leaving a faith behind. While my old belief system is not repulsive to me it is hard to understand why it ever made sense. 

So I now embark upon this journey of integration into a faith that aligns so well with what I feel that I have always known. It's as though the blinders of another's choices that been removed and me, free to choose for myself, can see clearly for the first time. And yet, I have seen it before. It is as though I have having faith deja vu. The things that bothered me before I now no longer have to concern myself with because they are not a part of the place I am now. When you find a faith that shares the same goals as you, the same priorities, the same God; it's like finding the perfect lover and all you want to do is spend more time there, soaking in the moment. 

So I take measured steps, moving toward my new faith with the singular goal of open-eyed understanding and the desire to make this union a lasting one.